So lately everything seems to have a much deeper meaning to it. I look out the window and my mind has become so open to these new ideas and suggestions, the reasons for everything being a certain way.

My dreams well, my nightmares have been so significant lately. All my worries seem to build up and they EXPLODE in a nightmare.Last night my ex, the rumoured friend of mine he's apparently seeing IF rumours are true and my first love were all individually hurting me in different ways, well trying to and I just seemed to not care. Well all of them except for my first love...metaphor? Concerning that i recently found out that he was the cause for the way I am. I used to live such a sheltered lifestyle, filled with bright coloured rainbows and ideologies that made everything seem so interesting. I was 13 years old when he entered my life, The time where everything changes. Ahh good old puberty ! And he brought out such a dark side of things. He was the first person that new practically everything about me, in fact he knew EVERYTHING about me. We had a love story full of highs and lows but we never made it through when we broke up when I turned fifteen. I came to realise he was the person who shaped me into who I am today. We changed each other so much but I guess we made each other who we are today. I guess that's like that in every relationship though.

It's strange, Everything is meant to be so sad at the moment after everything that's happen but I feel absolutely fine. I'm not crying or complaining as usual when now is the time I should be at my worst. How strange that is, maybe I am growing up after all.

These last few weeks have been so significant, drunken times, party's, life changing experiences and yet, I seem so calm about my approach to things. Saw my favourite band yesterday - InMe at the Borderline WHICH IS HELL TO FIND MAY I SAY! Its like hidden away like a flea in an afro! I went up there with my mate Jak, His lovely girlfriend Jessica and Jethro ha ha they all begin with 'J' ha ha.. InMe are so beautiful its unbelievable and Dave McPherson vocal talent is fucking epic! They are the only band that can like, reveal my heart in their music. And Amy Whinehouse is the solo artist as you will know. I'm falling into a routine again and I need to get out of that. When I fall into a routine I start to despise change so I need some randomness in my life to balance stuff out.

Exams soon, Fun times! This photography one is my biggest worry tbh, purely because models are hard to find. I have found women that will help me out but its the males who seem so difficult.

I just cant wait for summer, and The Download festival. Should be wicked.

xxxx